In response to a reader question, Part 1:
The double standard that men expect women to have fewer sex partners than we have is one of those things that has been around for ages and isn’t going anywhere any time soon; although it is becoming less of an issue in today’s society because women are becoming more promiscuous. A man’s sexual activity has always been less scrutinized than that of a woman. This even goes back to the Bible. The story in John 8:1-7, where the woman who was caught committing adultery was about to be stoned for her sin. Obviously, she did not engage in this act by herself, there was a man involved as well, but no one wanted to stone him or questioned him about his sin. We still see this even today in the Islamic countries where women are stoned for adultery like in the movie Stoning of Soraya. Now am I saying that this is fair or just? Absolutely not. But, that’s just the way it is. So to answer the question do men expect to settle down with a woman with less sexual partners; Yes, we do.
Which then leads to your other question about if men want to be with a woman that is sexually inexperienced. In short, no we usually don’t for the most part. BUT before moving on, according to the Bible, we should all be sexually inexperienced regardless of gender. Had to get that disclaimer out the way first. That being said, this is one of those ‘you want to eat your cake and have it too’ kind of situations for men. So, we expect you to be somewhat sexually experienced because it is a turn on for most men when a woman knows what she is doing and has some sort of clue. At the same time, we want you to gain that experience with as few partners as possible(if any, but this will be the next post). However, women do engage in and enjoy double standards more than men do, and there are several articles supporting this that I can post if you are interested.
For the third part of your question relating to this post, I will post it here for the readers before answering it to give them the context. She asks: Should a woman be expected to “forgive” a man’s more colorful sexual history just because he’s a “man”…even though, essentially, he took that sanctity away from many other women?
My answer to this is very simple, he did not “take” away her sanctity, she gave it to him willingly, and women always seem to forget that.
Is there a double standard in society? YES! Is there a double standard with God? NO! Speaking very generally, there is a notion that men can do whatever they want sexually while women who do the same are tagged as overly promiscuous. I personally do not ascribe to societies’ rules in regards to sexuality. I ascribe to God’s….outlined in the Bible!
Part 1 of your question: “Do men want to be with a woman who is inexperienced sexually? Do men (and some women in some cases) expect to be with/settle with/marry a woman who can count her sexual partners on one hand, while he’s counting his on his hands and toes?”
A REAL man/ woman (of God) would want someone who is inexperienced (meaning he/she is a virgin or is not currently having sex) because he/she would then be able to present something pure to the other. This is according to the plan of God. I WHOLEHEARTEDLY believe the Bible in that sex is something ONLY for the marriage bed. Nothing gets done till we say “I do”! Now, one’s past is their past. I am more concerned with the present. Of course not everyone is or will be a virgin when they get married. However, one always has the opportunity to start fresh..and recommit his or herself to a lifestyle of purity. BTW…if we all followed the original plan of God of one for one in marriage, everyone would be inexperienced, without room to compare and contrast past partners.
Part 2: “Should a woman be expected to “forgive” a man’s more colorful sexual history just because he’s a “man”…even though, essentially, he took that sanctity away from many other women?”
As I noted above, I do not believe that being a “man” is an excuse for having a “colorful” sexual history. Men (by God’s standards) are held to the same standards as women in regards to not fornicating (having any sort of sexual activity before marriage). However, if a man or woman in their past history explored sexually, then stopped, and made a decision and commitment to God to preserve their next sexual encounter for their spouse and live a lifestyle of purity, their partner (male or female) should be in a position to forgive. None of us is perfect. Just as God forgives, we should forgive. Examine who he or she is today and the life he or she has decided to live from here on out. The past is important in certain circumstances, but, it is not always an indication of the present or future.
Leave a comment below, let us know how you feel!